Vanity of vanities; all is vanity … What profit has a man of all his labor which he takes under the sun? One generation passes away, and another generation comes: but the earth abides. The sun also arises, and the sun goes down, and hastens to his place where he arose … All things are full of labor; man cannot express it: the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.

When Solomon writes of vanity, he speaks of emptiness, meaninglessness, pointlessness, purposelessness, and futility – that relentless cycle of others prior to us, and of those after we are gone.

Why is labor so vain? The answer is really quite simple; it is because we have been so subjected by our Creator.

… The creature was subjected to vanity … (Romans 8:20).

“Vanity” is thus the lot of those on earth. Yet, for those of us who trust our Heavenly Father, quite another view of labor can prevail! Instead of our labors being bound to such emptiness, they can rise to heights of divine life. The daily alarm clock and commute ever attest to this fact.

Solomon’s perspective showed the vanity of labor from the purely human viewpoint, “under the sun” – a vantage point apart from God. However, Paul, our apostle, gave us a divine perspective, “far above all heavens,” revealing the true purpose found in labor, which can be found only in the divine viewpoint: “your labor is not in vain in the Lord” (I Corinthians 15:58).

Those of us who know Father as the great Planner and Director of our days have a completely different approach to labor. Instead of being human and vain, it is divine and meaningful. It is He who transforms futility into value, emptiness into fullness, and the mundane into the divine. For us, all things – even the apparent routine and commonplace – become the significant sphere of the divine.

We have work laid before us each day, but our work is so much more than a way of making a living; it is God living out His life in us. Ultimately He is our employer; we really work for Him and His Son.

Servants, be obedient to them who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as to Christ; not with eye-service, as men-pleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; with goodwill doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: knowing that whatever good thing any man does, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he is bond or free (Ephesians 6:5-8).

In this passage Paul speaks to those who have the greatest disadvantage in their labor – slaves. In doing so he covered the most extreme working conditions, so we would know that all labor, no matter how difficult, no matter how taxing, can be done “as to the Lord, and not to men” – “whether he is bond or free.”

Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by Him … And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not to men (Colossians 3:17, 23).

Whether therefore you eat, or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God (I Corinthians 10:31).

Work done for the Lord is honorable. One occupation is no higher or more pleasing to God than another. All work has meaning when it is done for Him. The life of God in us makes all things sacred. We must not confuse what we do to make a living with the purpose of our lives. Our occupations are just the context in which we carry out our divine calling. The circumstances of our earthly labors are but the backdrop of God’s working in our lives. They are the stage of the Master Workman.

We have been called into “full time” ministry in the context of our personal daily life. Every area and every aspect of our lives belong to Him. No matter what the circumstances of life are around us, regardless of what earthly occupations we may use to supply our needs and those of others, we have a divine vocation to which we have been called.

Walk worthy of the vocation wherewith you are called (Ephesians 4:1).

More often than not, the context of our labor can have the appearance of a monotonous, daily routine; but the very life of God running its full course in our day-by-day circumstances will make our lives anything but monotonous and routine.

We considered a portion of Romans 8:20 at our start – that God’s creation has been subjected to vanity, but now let’s read it all.

For the creature was subjected to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of Him Who has subjected the same in hope (Romans 8:20).

A work done for the Lord in anything except vain, for not only did our Creator subject us to vanity, but to hope – a confident expectation!

Be steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as you know that your labor is not in vain in the Lord (I Corinthians 15:58).

Clyde L. Pilkington, Jr.
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Just think: One day Dad will use what the world sees as our pitiful imperfections – our brokenness, our divinely implanted flaws – as the display of His “abundant grace” (II Corinthians 4:15). Even in this life the outworking of death (“the dying of the Lord Jesus,” :10) in us has a glorious purpose: that the “life of Jesus might be manifested in our mortal bodies” which will eventually (and even now in some measure) “through the thanksgiving of many super-abound to the glory of God” (:15).

We read in :6 that God “commanded the light to shine out of darkness,” taking us back to Genesis, and in the same way God’s light “has shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of His glory …” Imagine that! The same creative power of God that brought all of creation into existence is at work in us for the purpose of revealing “the light of the knowledge” of His Glory to the world around us, illuminating, as it were, “the face of Jesus Christ” to others!

When we read in :7 about “treasure in earthen vessels,” we are taken back to when God used just a very few of His people to defeat a huge army arrayed against Israel. These few had a light in earthen vessels, and then when the vessels were broken the light shone forth to reveal God’s awesome work. In the same way, God is working in His “not many” (I Corinthians 1:26) vessels of service; and it is in our brokenness that His light, “the light of the glorious gospel of Christ” (II Corinthians 4:4), shines forth to the world to reveal God’s awesome work!

This ministry spoken of in :1 is in the continuing context of chapter 3, and is a ministry of our being living, walking “epistles” (3:3), the purpose of which is to give “life” (:6). Our wonderful Father uses the troubles, perplexities, persecutions – all of the trials and tribulations of this life (4:8-9) – to deliver us to death, for the marvelous breaking of His vessels. Thus, while the world is busy attempting to show off their supposed superiority of supremacy, God ultimately reveals the futility of the “darkness” of their “blinded minds,” demonstrating the “excellency” of His power through us.

What a wonderful and glorious privilege and benefit it is for us that our Awesome Father has chosen us to use as weak, flawed, broken vessels in His service, so that ultimately the whole creation will see and understand the amazing knowledge and wisdom in all that He has done and said He will do.

Oh! the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments, and His ways past finding out! For who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been His counselor? Or who has first given to Him, and it shall be repaid to him again? For of Him, and through Him, and to Him, are all things: to Whom be glory throughout the ages. Amen! (Romans 11:33-36).

André Sneidar

You just want to be OK. Your struggles are constant; your conflicts are continuous; your battles are endless. You just look forward to that plane – that place and time in life – where everything will just finally be OK.

Really though, who in this life is truly “OK”? The simple fact of the matter is that, regardless of what outward appearances may suggest, we are all weak, frail, flawed and endlessly faltering creatures – all of us, without exception. The entire creation – every last bit of it – has been subjected, against their will, to vanity. None can escape it; not even you.

For the creature was made subject[1] to vanity,[2] not willingly, but by reason of Him Who has subjected the same in hope (Romans 8:20).

This all will be gloriously and permanently corrected in the resurrection, but you might as well go ahead and admit i: for now you’re broke, and you aren’t going to be “fixed” for now. Granted, you may have some days that are better than others, some circumstances that seem to indicate that you are “OK,” but the wearisome cycle will simply reoccur.

Thus it is by design – by divine design – and Father is bringing you to a place where you are OK with not being OK, a place where you simply rest in His current purpose and plan in your training and development for that grand and magnificent culmination that He has also wonderfully and skillfully designed especially for you – in your next life.

The Christian “Fix”

Christianity always wants to “fix” everything. Religious bookstores are found to abound in “How to …” books. Pulpiteers continually weary their benched-flocks with what they must do to correct things. The pressure is constantly on to get it all corrected, focusing on the problems, on the circumstances, on changing everything – on deliverance from what makes us not OK. Please don’t be influenced to buy into this illusive dream.

Though you may have recurring periods of better circumstances and better performances, that which ultimately stops you from being truly OK will never change. The root of your real problem is not coming from your varied and fluctuating circumstances; they are actually coming from the design of God found in you – the failure to which He has subjected you. He has purposefully and expertly created you with flaws – an abundance of them – that will never go away in this lifetime.

Count on it: if God Himself, in His great wisdom and love for you, has – at this time – subjected you to futility, all of the self-help-religion in the world won’t be able to change it.

The Real Answer

Because of this wise and competent plan of Father, the real answer is never to be found in you at all. The answer is to be found in Him – and in Him alone. It is to be found in knowing just Who He really is, and just what His plans are for you in this temporal life.

[God] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you: for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest on me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities … for when I am weak, then am I strong (II Corinthians 12:9-10).

I Am What I Am

By the grace of God I am what I am (I Corinthians 15:10).

“I am what I am.” Herein lays a great key. God has made you what you are. You are His handiwork[3] – every bit of you – flaws and all. You are what you are by God’s direct hand. Rest in Him. Rest in His work in you. Rest in His plan for you. Rest in His sure outcome for you.

As a son of God we can be thankful for the sufferings and hardships of this life. If not for them, we would be distracted from our celestial hope. In a seemingly strange, yet divine way, we can even be thankful for our bouts with complaining, realizing that they, too, are a God-send. After all, “all things are of God” (II Corinthians 5:18), even the “evil spirit from the LORD” that troubled Saul (I Samuel 16:14). For, even for us, our complaining makes us realize that this world is not our home and creates in us such a strong desire for something more, something better – and that better thing is Father Himself!

So, relax; the way you are is His outworking in you.

Being OK with Others Not Being OK

It’s the same for other people as well: they are who they are. We are all in His skillful hands; each one of us designed and being masterfully crafted to fit into His glorious, creative collage.

Just as it is true that we are the way we are because Father is working in us, even so He is working His expert plan perfectly and precisely in all of His creation, as He is the “faithful Creator” (I Peter 4:19).

Father is extremely good at His job, and just like with any other work, you can’t judge the finished product when seeing it in some stage of its development. This is true of you and me, but it is also true of our loved ones and friends – all of God’s creation!

Attempting to be “God” to someone is an especially hard job if you are not qualified. There is only One in the universe qualified for such a daunting task, and He already has all things squarely under His control.

Don’t be discouraged when you look around you. What you see is not the end of God’s plan and purpose. What you see is not the finished product of God. God is actively at work in us in every circumstance, of every life. He is steadily and successfully working “all things after the counsel of His Own will,” finding no challenge with the circumstances and lives of our loved ones – not even the hard cases. Nothing poses an obstacle to Him – after all, He is the Almighty God.

Don’t be overwhelmed: you’re not the Workman. God is God; He is in charge. He loves others just as unconditionally as He loves you. He is molding them as surely as He is you – day-by-day – into all that He intends for them to be, regardless of what we may think we currently see.

One day you’ll be OK. In the resurrection Father will perfect His work in you. Until then you can be OK with not being OK. It’s all Father’s plan. To Him, beautiful is the mess we are.

So, relax and enjoy His work.

Clyde L. Pilkington, Jr.

Children are a heritage of the LORD, the fruit of the womb is His reward (Psalm 127:3).

Children are God’s heritage, an “allotment” (CLT[1]) entrusted to parents. By divine design the father is delegated with authority over them (cf. Joshua 24:15; I Timothy 3:4).

The father’s responsibility of trusteeship includes physical provision (I Timothy 5:8); education (Deuteronomy 6:6-9; 11:18-19; Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:4) and discipline[2] (Deuteronomy 8:5; Proverbs 3:12; 13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:17); bringing them up “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

Children are in turn to honor their parents (Ephesians 6:1-3). This honor extends to older children providing and caring for their elderly parents (I Timothy 5:4); thus completing the cycle of life.

Time on earth is very limited; but with a skillful archer’s hand, fathers can aim their children into the future, where God’s heritage continues to soar to its intended target.

As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth (Psalm 127:4).

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).

Clyde L. Pilkington, Jr.

Do not be discontented (I Corinthians 10:10, Weymouth).

In all that you do, avoid grumbling (Philippians 2:14, Moffatt).

Complaining is a prominent Adamic pastime. We grumble and whine about the weather, our jobs, our spouses, our governments, our finances – just about our lives in general. Like spoiled children, discontentment is an unthankful heart-attitude of protest towards Father. Our hearts gripe, huff, sulk, moan and bellyache about everything. Ugh! Grrr!

Contentment:
The Divine Contrast of Complaining

Contentment is a rare quality. It has been so from the beginning. Adam and Eve had abundant bounty from God’s hand all around them. Only one thing was withheld from them: the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil; but it was the very thing that they wanted and desired. This one thing kept them discontent: if only they could have the fruit from this tree their lives would be complete and fulfilled – or so they thought.

Discontentment is at the core of the Adamic heart, whereas contentment is the Divine work on the renewed mind – a heavenly learning process. It is spiritually learned. Paul tells us so. It was even necessary that our apostle complete this course of spiritual instruction. Let’s allow this variety of translations from Philippians 4:11 to speak truly to us.

… I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content (KJV).

… As to me, I have learnt in those circumstances in which I am, to be satisfied … (Darby).

… For my part I have learned, whatever be my outward experiences, to be content (Weymouth).

Oh, that we had the spiritual ears to hear these words deep within our hearts! Oh, that the eyes of our understanding would be enlightened. Oh, that our hearts would begin to awaken to the true spirit of contentment!

Paul goes on to write to Timothy of contentment’s “great gain.”

Godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. Having food and raiment let us be therewith content (I Timothy 6:6-8).

The Antidote for Complaining
Is Found in Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is the divine answer to discontentment. Only faith from God can lay hold on the grand truth that all things come from God. This realization transforms human complaining into divine contentment!

All things are of God (II Corinthians 5:18).

For of Him, and through Him, and to Him, are all things (Romans 11:36).

There is but one God, the Father, of Whom are all things (I Corinthians 8:6).

Here is the entrance of faith. The Scriptures make the plain, bold statement that “all things are of God.” Therefore faith will have the daring audacity actually to thank Him for “all things” that come in life, and will, with Job, say,

Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 2:10; 1:22).

All of Our Complaining Is Actually Against Father

When we complain about spouses, our governments, our jobs, our responsibilities, we are actually complaining against the source of “all things.” It is crucial that we come to this realization: since everything comes from Father, our discontentment and complaining, our grumbling and whining, is all directly against Him. It is a lapse of faith in Him – in His sovereign, loving control of His Own universe.

When we bewail our wife or husband, rail against and mock our president, lament and criticize our employer, bemoan the downward turn of our financial circumstances, these are all actually directed to God. Remember the Adamic complaint and accusation? “The woman whom You gave to me …” (Genesis 3:12).

Oh, that Father would grant us the faith to hear this same complaint and accusation in ourselves!

Not Given to “Whine”

Years ago a friend of mine had been having a little trouble with his small daughter’s recent attitude. On the way home from a Bible study one night, while traveling in the car, she was quite touched and voiced her genuine sorrow for her thankfulness. It was quite a touching moment.

Asking his daughter what had brought about this sudden change of heart, she said that it was a verse that had been read during Bible study. The father was somewhat baffled, since he could not even recall any discussion on this particular subject. Inquiring further, she responded that it had been the verse that said, “not given to whine.” Although her touching moment was very serious to her, the thankful father could not help but smile to himself.

Although the specific words “not given to whine” obviously are not found in Scripture – it is nonetheless true, and a great play on words that should serve as a reminder to adults that “wine” is not the only potential “spirit” that can mar our lives. The “spirit” of “whine” is no less dishonoring towards our Father than her attitude was toward her father.

Thanking Father for Everything

Here is the greatest lesson of life, what life is all about: Truly trusting Father in everything, to the point that we also are thanking Him for everything – the “evil” as well as the “good,” the “taking away” as well as the “giving.”

Faith is the divinely-given spiritual courage and strength actually to believe Father regardless of the circumstances – that daring transcendent boldness simply to believe Him over our emotions, over our senses, over our desires – that plain audacity of faith just to believe Him!

In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you (I Thessalonians 5:18).

Giving thanks always for all things to God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ (Ephesians 5:20).

Clyde L. Pilkington, Jr.

Real life takes place every day, in every circumstance. Sometimes we can get caught up it in the postponing of living. We end up wishing our lives away, thinking that we will really start living come Friday, come payday, when we start our new job, when we get married, when our kids are grown, when we retire.

Life is such a wonderful gift, directly from the hand of Father. Each day is a manifest token and precious expression of His sheer goodness to us. We honor Him by living out this gift to its fullest.

Granted, life is filled with troubles; yet as we handle their details, let’s not fret, but rejoice that we are alive to do so, for life is filled abundantly with more than just trouble. Stand in wonder and amazement at the fresh handiwork of God that is all around us. It is there for the watchful eye.

The Lord’s mercies … are new every morning: great is Your faithfulness (Lamentations 3:22-23).

The goodness of God continually endures (Psalm 52:1).

Live in the day!  Enjoy life in each of its moments. Don’t live in the past, or in the future. Today is God’s gift to you – the present.

Many days from our past may call for us to live in them – with their failures and regrets. “What if I had made a different choice?” “What if I hadn’t moved?”  “What if I had taken that job?”  What if …?” By giving ourselves over to these “What ifs,” we waste and lose our precious life now – the present.

Then there are our imagined days of the future – how they beckon to us to give them our attention, with all of their fears and anxieties regarding the unknown. “What if I lose my health?” “What if the stock market falls?” “What if my spouse dies?” “What if …?” Don’t lose the present on your runaway train of imagined scenarios about the future. These endless “possibilities” that your mind can conjure will only rob you of the real life that God has given you today.

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient for the day is the evil thereof (Matthew 6:34).

Let’s not allow our “What if …” imaginations of our past or future to lay claim to our present from God. Allow God to transform our mind, casting down our “imaginations.”

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ (II Corinthians 10:5).

How can we not praise and magnify our good and gracious Creator every new day? How can we not do so from hearts filled with the joy of His life? How can we who know Him be genuinely tempted to murmur and complain, to fret and fuss? We are alive! – and not just alive, but alive with His very life!

For in Him we live, and move, and have our being (Acts 17:28).

Live. Live every day. Live in the moment.

Clyde L. Pilkington, Jr.

God can be worshiped easily for His supply of food, clothing, housing and other provisions, although few rarely do even that. He most certainly can be worshiped for His rich provision of redemption, salvation, justification and our glorious allotment in the celestials, even though not many do so regularly. However, the greatest height of worship is not to be found in any of these.

The summit of worship is not in the context of the “good” that we received from the hand of the Lord, but in the “evil.” It is one thing to worship God when things are going “good,” and for things that are “good.” It is quite another issue to  worship Him genuinely when things are not going well at all, when the circumstances are “evil” – even desperately so. To bow our hearts in humble, sincere, submissive worship before Him, when all of our being – our senses, our desires, our passions, our understanding, and our hearts – cringe and recoil from our lot: this is the pinnacle of true worship.

We see this clearly in the account of Job. All at once the circumstances of His life turned horribly wrong. His health, wealth and children were all gone. His weary mind, body and heart – every core part of him – must have demanded a compelling, “No!” Every fiber of his being must have been in active protest. However, something far greater than all of this was in Job’s heart as well: faith in the faithful, sovereign Creator. He knew that everything came from the hand of God – all of the wonderful things in his life, as well as all of this calamity.

Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? (Job 2:10).

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 1:21-22).

Now there is the greatest height of worship: worshipping God in everything – the “good” as well as the “evil,” the “giving” as well as the “taking away.” The worship of God every day, in every place, in every circumstance: this is true worship. When in the face of “evil” and “taking away” we learn with Job to “bless the name of the Lord,” then we, too, will come to know the true meaning of real worship.

I will bless the Lord at all times: His praise shall continually be in my mouth (Psalm 34:1).

Clyde L. Pilkington, Jr.

Paul’s marital instruction is very clear: the consummated husband/wife relationship is to function on the basis of a perpetual state of marriage (uniting as “one flesh”).

Conjugal Duties

The covenant (promise) of marriage (physical union), among other things, binds the husband and wife to the on-going act of marriage. This sexual activity is called “due benevolence” in the King James Version. The Greek word translated “benevolence” is eunoia, which is a euphemism for “conjugal duty,”[1] while the Greek word translated “due” is opheilō, meaning “to owe … to be under obligation.”[2]

James Moffatt (1913) translates the King James phrase as “conjugal dues” as does the Riverside New Testament (1923).

Thus the husband and wife are under a covenant of obligation to conjugal duty (sexual responsibility). The husband is responsible by the covenant of marriage to “render unto the wife conjugal duties” The wife is also responsible by the same union covenant to render to her husband “conjugal duties.”

Husband and wife are in the bonds of sexual unity: as the wife’s body belongs to her husband, so the husband’s body belongs to his wife.

The wife has not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband has not power of his own body, but the wife (I Corinthians 7:4).

Marital Fraud

Because of these “conjugal duties,” if the husband or wife denies sexual intimacy, they defraud the other.

Defraud not one another, except it is with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempts you not for your incontinency (I Corinthians 7:5).

Noah Webster defines “defraud” as,

To deprive of right … to withhold wrongfully from another what is due to him.

Our English word “defraud” obviously comes from the root “fraud,” which is defined by Webster as,

Artifice by which the right or interest of another is injured.

For this reason, the Greek word apostereō translated “defraud” is also rendered “kept back by fraud” (James 5:4, King James Version).

At the core of the marital covenant is the union of two as one. Central to this union is the sexual bond of coitus. This is the meaning of “marriage”: “the act of uniting.” Unless prohibited by genuine physical limitations, anything less than consistent[3] sexual union between a husband and wife is a defrauding of the marriage covenant (the promise of physical union).

Much fraud takes place in marriage relationships. Many “marriages” could be scripturally declared fraudulent – the couple being in a state of fault (i.e., “an omission of that which ought to be done”). Their relationship is merely a pretense of “marriage” – an upscale roommate arrangement, a social partner – but not a biblical marriage.

Sole Exception

Outside of genuine physical limitations, there is only one scriptural exception for the suspension of regular sexual intercourse between a husband and wife. Conjugal intimacy is to be set aside only for the purpose of “fasting and prayer.”

Defraud not one another, except it is with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempts you not for your incontinency (I Corinthians 7:5).

Clearly stated, “fasting and prayer” is the only biblical purpose for not actively engaging in marital sexuality. No other reason is given.[4] The principle therefore is quite simple: no sex, no food; no intercourse, no eating. I would dare say that if many couples followed this simple scriptural principle they would already be dead from starvation!

Fasting and Prayer

This fasting is not for medical or health reasons, for it is coupled with “prayer” – “fasting and prayer.” This fasting is a response to overwhelming grief, sorrow and heaviness – all an atmosphere of a heavily burdened soul.

This example given to us by Paul is of a couple who is overwhelmed and overburdened of heart and soul to such an extent that there is a mutual loss of physical desire and drive. They are in mutual harmony – “with consent.” They have agreed to devote themselves to working through their trials by giving their attentions to spiritual rather than physical matters. They will take the time that they usually spend in eating and intercourse and apply it to their struggles. This would be such a natural process for situations of extreme circumstances; but this unique time that they share together before the Lord is only to be “for a time.” The expression of their sexual intimacy will be resumed at the same time as their dietary life is reinstated. There is a clear correlation between the need and pleasure of eating and that of sex.

Mutual Consent

Defraud not one another, except it is with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempts you not for your incontinency (I Corinthians 7:5).

This abstinence for the purpose of “fasting and prayer” is to take place only by mutual consent. Both the husband and wife are to be in agreement to this purpose.

For a Time

Defraud not one another, except it is with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempts you not for your incontinency (I Corinthians 7:5).

Not only is this “fasting and prayer” and sexual abstinence to be by reciprocal approval, it is also to be only for a limited, agreed-upon period of time – “for a time.”

Even in the most extreme trials of agony, there comes a time to rise up from the sorrow and continue with life. This can be seen in the life of King David who, after his grieving process at the death of his young son, it is written:

Then David arose from the earth, and washed, and anointed himself, and changed his apparel … and he ate (II Samuel 12:20).

Come Together Again

Defraud not one another, except it is with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempts you not for your incontinency (I Corinthians 7:5).

At the end of the mutually agreed upon period of time dedicated to “fasting and prayer,” the couple are to “come together again.” The Greek word here translated “come together” in the King James Version is sunerchomai, meaning “cohabit (conjugally).”[5] The Greek word for “again” is palin, and is defined as “oscillatory repetition.”[6] Webster defines oscillatory as “moving backward and forward like a pendulum; swinging; as an oscillatory motion.”[7]

This entire passage on the marital relationship is exceptionally plain: the consummated husband/wife union is to function on the basis of a continuous state of marriage (uniting as “one flesh”). Violating these principles places the believer in a state of rebellion to God’s most basic marital foundation. Other than for this rare exception of “fasting and prayer,” there is no place for sexual abstinence in the life of the married believer. Operating “marriage” in such abstinence is a contraction of terms; it is an oxymoron, denying the very biblical meaning of “marriage.” Couples living in such a state of fraud are breaking their marriage covenant – they are marital covenant breakers.

Intimacy of sexual relationship is designed by God to be the great bond of joy between husband and wife. This is not just a physical issue, but a spiritual one as well. Its importance and value are to be protected at all lengths – “that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

Clyde L. Pilkington, Jr.
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Men and women attempt to conduct relationships in many different ways; but marriage remains God’s design. Society – even Christian society – may seek to simulate this relationship according to their own vain ideas, but this does not change or sway the divine purpose and plan of marriage in the slightest. In marriage husbands are the head. This is an inescapable headship. Whether one is a good head, or a bad one, they are nonetheless a head, and thus responsible for their headship to their Creator.

Modern, contemporary Christendom is quite embarrassed by this design. As a result it has embracemed the “advanced” worldly wisdom in its attempt to abandon the “out-of-date” headship role of the husband. This humanistic approach has attempted to reduce marriage to a mere human partnership. This is to no avail, however, because whether one honors God’s design or not, the design still remains.

Doug Wilson, in his foundational work, Reforming Marriage, addresses this paramount truth.

The Bible says the “husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.” Paul most emphatically does not say that husbands ought to be the heads of their wives. He says that they are. In this verse, the apostle is not telling us how marriage ought to function (that comes in the verses following). Rather, he is telling us what the marriage relationship between husband and wife is. Marriage is defined in part as the headship of a husband over a wife. In other words, without this headship, there is no marriage.

This does not mean that God gives no imperatives to the husband. In the verses following we find a very basic imperative indeed – husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church. But nowhere is the husband commanded to be a head to his wife. This is because he already is the head of his wife, by the very nature of marriage. If he does not love her, he is a poor head, but a head nonetheless.

Meditating on this is a very valuable thing for husbands to do. Because the husband is the head of the wife, he finds himself in a position of inescapable leadership. He cannot successfully refuse to lead. If he attempts to abdicate in some way, he may, through his rebellion, lead poorly, but no matter what he does, or where he goes, he does so as the head of his wife. This is how God designed marriage … If the husband is godly, then that dominance will not be harsh; it will be characterized by the same self-sacrificial love demonstrated by our Lord – Dominus – at the cross. If the husband tries to run away from his headship, that abdication will dominate the home. If he catches a plane to the other side of the country, and stays there, he will dominate in and by his absence. How many children have grown up in a home dominated by the empty chair at the table? If the marriage is one in which the wife “wears the pants,” the wimpiness of the husband is the most obvious thing about the marriage, creating a miserable marriage and home. His abdication dominates.1

The Husband’s Responsibility Illustrated

When a couple comes for marriage counseling, my operating assumption is always that the man is completely responsible for all the problems. Some may be inclined to react to this, but it is important to note that responsibility is not the same as guilt. If the woman has been unfaithful to her husband, of course she bears the guilt of her adultery. But, at the same time, he is responsible for it.

To illustrate, suppose a young sailor disobeys his orders and runs a ship aground in the middle of the night. The captain and the navigator were both asleep and had nothing to do with his irresponsible actions. Who is finally responsible? The captain and the navigator are responsible for the incident. They are career officers, and their careers are ruined. The young sailor was getting out of the Navy in six months anyway. It may strike many as being unfair, but it is indisputably the way God made the world. The sailor is guilty; the captain is responsible.”2

Clyde L. Pilkington, Jr.
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An amazing solution for sin, is it not? Do they really believe that this is the best God could come up with?

Is the true God of Scripture not greater than this? Is He not wiser than this? More loving than this? More responsible? Really?

Is Christendom’s presentation really God’s solution for sin? Not a chance!

The problem is not with God, or His Scriptures, but with the religion that professes to represent Him. Christendom has adapted pagan Greek mythology (e.g. Orpheus, Pythagoras, Plato), Homer’s Odyssey, Virgil’s Aeneid, and Dante’s Inferno as their theology, and translated their Bibles to support their creeds.

The God of Scripture is far bigger than all of man’s little imagined gods.

 Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound (Romans 5:20).

Clyde L. Pilkington, Jr.
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